Cailín (Lass) (Anam Céile Chronicles) Page 21

  Chapter Seventeen

  Me mind still be contemplating the intrusion of this realization that wish to accept I did not, when abrupt confusion swept across Donovan’s face just before not a second later, I felt his body ripped from me arms.

  Me eyes gaped in panic as he soared high into the air from some apparent hidden force. I be forced to watch helplessly as he plummeted, falling out of control and crashed to the hard ground some hundred metres from where I stood paralysed.

  Me stomach lurched at the sight, a tremor ripping through me entire being, as dead silent it all be in that one interminable second that with chilling certainty I grasped this be me dream.

  Me mind refused to make sense of it.

  Process it I could not.

  I choked out in horror as me arms reached after him, then fell to me knees gripping the sides of me head with me hands. Utterly frozen in me horror, too shocked I be even to blink.

  I knew rushing to his side I should be, but somehow suddenly I felt totally powerless over me own body. However, me mind be not in the least protected, assaulting me with all these horrifying possibilities as ‘twas. Finally, the adrenaline surged its way through me to allow me to rush to him, this time disregarding any pretense in regards to me swiftness.

  Me hair be wild and twisted as I dropped to me knees beside Donovan and cradled him tightly against me. Afraid I be to look upon his face, fer bear to see the unfathomable expression I knew it held I could not. With me fingers digging fiercely into the earth he laid upon, I curled up, burying me face against his chest.

  I knew I must look up, face the truth, before ‘twas too late. It tormented me so much more than ever I could have been prepared, the look upon Donovan’s face with which I then be met. Not any idea had I what expression me face took on as I raised me head to look upon his. Donovan’s face had gone ashen, the expression he wore be one torn between confusion and agony as he peered up at me through his thick, dark lashes.

  Donovan stared at me, the pain within his eyes unconcealed. It tore at me heart as nothing else ever has.

  He attempted to speak, the pain breaking his voice. “Aislinn, do not lie to me, I know you be keeping secrets from me,” his words were declared with utter certitude.

  What do I to say to that? Never can he know. Now certainly not be the time to reveal any of the bizarre occurrences that I have endured.

  I stroked his dampened hair, the beguiling scent of his exposed blood seeping from the wound of his head invading me senses, cracking me focus.

  “Shh, Darling. Do not strain yourself in this condition,” I crooned to him, hoping to dissuade his attention from whatever erroneous thoughts he may have been holding onto.

  Donovan allowed himself to lean into the comfort of me touch, his eyes closing as I caressed the soil from his cheek.

  “Know that I loved only you . . . Aislinn . . .” Donovan avowed with his eyes still closed, his voice ever weakening. I struggled to hold back the tears so that he would not be subjected to witnessing me mourning fer him while he still be here.

  Then his eyes fluttered open again, Donovan furrowed his brow in pain as his expression became one of torment. I cast a frantic glance as the agony ripped across his face and then discharged as sound, growing more rigid with pain.

  Any hope lingering in me plummeted when I detected his surrounding blue light growing ever dim.

  “DONOVAN!” I cried out, me face desperate. He grabbed me hand weakly and tried to feign a smile fer me sake, but his lips only pulled back in a pained grimace instead, rupturing me heart further.

  Too afraid to speak I be, fearing that the words would only all come pouring out as pure, overwhelming pain. I did not wish fer his last memory of me to be as that.

  As Donovan lay fading in me arms, I swallowed hard and squeezed the words out past the lump in me throat to say that which needed to be said. “Together again we’ll be, me love. I will wait fer you to return to me, fer yer athionchollú. As long as that may entail . . .” I promised him, me voice quaking.

  Emotions flitted across Donovan’s face. “Aislinn, none of us know fer sure if that actually occurs,” he told me, his voice laboured in agony. “And even if it does, it could be well beyond your lifetime. And if truly ‘tis meant to be, it’ll happen regardless. But please don’t wait to live because you’re waiting fer me. Be happy, live your life.”

  The sound of his agony cut deep into me chest. But his words I refused to accept.

  How can he simply tell me to be happy whilst the only thing that has ever given me true happiness is fading from me? Of course, little does he know that I now have the gift of unlimited time to torture meself in waiting fer him.

  No longer could I see his expression clearly through the tears which his words had provoked to escape into me eyes. Donovan managed to reach up to stroke them from me cheek. I could detect the wonder come across his face as he peered at his finger. Though what ‘twas he saw, I did not yet know.

  “Why . . . why . . . you be letting me go, Aislinn?” Donovan entreated, his voice cold, strenuously stretching out his arm to me as though I be further from him than I actually be. He strangled off into a gurgled sob, his eyes rolling back into his head. Seeing him in that way, I choked on the bulge in me throat.

  “I be not, Donovan! Never will I let you go! Close to me as this always I will keep you!”

  I felt meself becoming desperate when he did not respond at all. I clung to him as his eyes went far away. I bent me face to his and showered him with kisses. His salty tears moistened me lips.

  “Can you hear me? Can you feel me holding you? I know you hear me, Donovan!” I cried frantically. “Do not take heed of that which the shadows breathe, whispering you away from me.”

  Then I sensed him slipping deeper away. Me stomach lurched in me panic.

  “Stay with me! Hold onto me, Love!” I cried, me voice becoming hysterical.

  Though still I wished to deny it, I knew what ‘twas I had become. Thereby, hastily I resolved to bite him in hopes of altering him to that which I be, thus saving him from the unimaginable fate which be fast pulling him from me.

  “Sorry I be if this will cause you more pain.” I leaned to his neck and sank me teeth into his flesh, entirely unprepared fer the effect that resulted.

  Me senses reeled with ecstasy as the sweetness of his blood danced upon me tongue. The delicacy of it well beyond the promise that had only been eluded by his scent. ‘Twas by far the best ever I had savoured— surpassing even that of the purity of the beautiful virgin maiden who had been me introduction to the luxury of this easily acquired taste. I had to battle against meself as never before against the prevailing urge to draw all his blood into me.

  A voice not me own whispered in me ear. He will be gone in a moment, anyway. A shame it would be to waste the finest thing you have ever experienced.

  Repulsed, I pushed the atrocious perception from me mind, refuting that it could have possibly been me own. Gashing me own wrist with me sharp teeth, I collected me determination fer that which I must do. I placed me wrist to his mouth, me blood oozing out onto his lips.

  “Drink and draw me essence into you,” I shook him lightly, coaxing him with me words, me voice pleading. Donovan came to just enough to understand me words and submitted. However, upon attempting to suck in me blood, he instead gasped sharply with the pain of his crushed body. Realizing desperate measures would have to be taken, I grabbed his face and pressing his mouth open, squeezed the blood from me wrist, letting it trickle onto his tongue.

  “Swallow, Donovan! Swallow me blood!” I bade him firmly, yet pleading. “It’ll revive you so that we may be together as we should!” He swallowed but only once, fer even the effort of that simple reflex inflicted upon him excessive pain.

  Thus, me desperate efforts proved to be useless, leaving me only with the wish that I had not sampled that which I never again would have, me throat aching fer another taste.

  I embraced Donovan against me bare breas
t as he faded off while looking at me, yet he seemed to gaze far beyond me eyes. I remained there holding him and silently bid adieux to the love of me eternal existence.

  As close to me I held him, I felt the life fading from his body, and I wondered whether his soul be cognizant of me devoted presence. And the very moment I saw the light in his eyes fade off, I observed his effervescent blue radiance fade to nothingness. Then I felt the familiar tingling sensation permeate me, all me hairs standing on end.

  Could it be that his soul is passing through me or perhaps even merging with mine? Would his soul carry with it the memory of me presence here to the afterlife, keeping awareness that I would search eternity fer his return?

  As I sensed his soul parting from his body, in that moment, I knew it be as lost to me as a particle of dust blowing upon the wind. Even then, me mind could not comprehend the reality of it. I felt hopeless hands, helplessly pulling him back close to me. The sun shined brilliantly, illuminating the sky all around us as his spirit left me alone with the shell of his body in me arms.

  Why? He does not breathe! Please awake! I cannot be without you. Please! I feel so alone. Don't leave me here, by meself, fer without you I feel nothing.

  The seemingly endless stream of questions tortured me until inside me whole head be screaming. Intolerantly, I awaited fer the screams in me head to find their release from the torture of me mind. Though alas, they did not come. They were trapped within me.

  And then a cold wind gusted on that windless day. It struck me in the chest. ‘Twas as though a black hole had landed there, and with it, the hideous cold came rushing in. And then, me body hastily sealed itself around it, trapping all the cold inside. And in that moment I knew that naught— save him— ever would chase that ghastly cold from me. Even the air I inhaled through me lungs did naught to fill that void in me chest.

  Trapped within this body I be, with everything that be pain. Wish I were a bird so that I could fly away from meself, leaving all these tormenting thoughts and their pain forever behind me.

  All of a sudden, me body began trembling involuntarily. Instinctively, a snarl came from deep within me as a chill— as ice scraping across me face— combined with a blast of fire blew past me. Acute pain twisted me stomach as all the blood commenced to drain away from me face.

  It felt as though the oxygen was sucked from me, as though me heart had pushed inside out. I dropped to the ground next to Donovan. There I lay, awaiting the spontaneous combustion of me heart. Immobilized by me anguish and soon to be blinded by tears, long and loud, me heart cried out.

  Now that I be aware what I be without, just leave me you cannot! I must be with you— to live, to breathe! Please awake from this spell! I feel so alone and so scared that you're going away.

  Unable to speak, I awaited the answer I knew would not come. At long last, me throat closed around a scream. Even as swallowed up I be in the sound of me own screaming, relieved I be in the liberation of it. I could not cease fer the fear of the nothingness that awaited in the silence now surrounding me.

  The wetness of those heretofore elusive tears running through me fingers— the confirmation of that which I had denied— any hope remaining in me fell apart. Desperately clutching tight his image to me heart, I pulled away to face the abyss of that inevitable pain.

  Still beside him, I lay there staring off at nothing, me head in a murky fog. Me mind refused to make sense of it, would not accept it. Amazing ‘tis the things one notices in a moment as monumental as that. With me shaking fingers, I mindlessly manipulated the frayed edge of his shirt repetitively ‘til it became rather unraveled.

  And as I beheld it, ‘twas as though that unraveled piece of fabric represented me whole world in that moment.

  Sometime later, I gazed upon Donovan’s face— his eyes closed— endeavouring to persuade meself to believe he merely be dreaming whilst slumbering peacefully. Yet, as the time did trickle on— and still he lay there motionless, stiffening— I had to face it. Me chest constricted ‘til most strenuous me breathing became.

  He be me air. With him gone, how do I breathe?

  ‘Twas as though pulled apart I be, little by little and torturously. As though me blood pumped pure pain to every part of me body, ‘til not a single cell there be ‘twas not aching to explode from the poisoning pain, the trillions of them screaming to escape me contaminated form. The core of me now be a sole vast aching hurt.

  Once more me eyes boiled over, the hot tears gushing forth as though a water sack had unexpectedly ruptured. Freely they flowed all the countless hours ‘til every molecule of moisture they had sapped from me, leaving me eyes and mouth dehydrated, me skin so desiccated and wrinkled, I thought I must surely resemble an old woman.

  Motionless I stared off into the sky fer hours, not even blinking, noticing almost naught, save fer the clouds which all seemed to become his face. Just petrified I be in that moment, in the excruciating comprehension of it all.

  Until at last, the day became night, darkness surrounding me, cruelly reminding me of me aloneness once again. Curled upon the ground as an embryo, yet another round of hysteria washed over me. Finally, exhaustion did conquer me and I found sleep— albeit not a peaceful one ‘twas. Fer even in me sleep, unbearably aware I be of the pain.

  There with Donovan I laid fer suppose ‘twas a couple of days— I do not know, fer time meant naught to me at that point— until the sounds of people in the distance I heard. Somehow through me haze, I realised ‘twas a search party coming to look fer him. Knowing it would be the last time ever I may, I turned to gaze upon his handsome face, and kissed him tenderly upon the lips fer the last time before rising to me feet.

  Swiftly, before I could be seen, I shifted back into me horse form, embracing the heat which traveled down me back directing the spasms to move through me limbs in the transformation. I remained with Donovan to be certain that they would find him.

  Too soon they did approach, in awe of the wild aiteann at his side. As they watched, I nuzzled his cheek and hair, absorbing the scent of him fer what I understood would be the last time. Then, I spun around and galloped off swiftly, me tortured shrill whinny piercing the unusually still air surrounding.

  Disappeared without a backward glance I did, running after the rain fer which I prayed.

  Somewhere it must be! Let me find it so that it may wash away me grief. This pain, oh let it bleed out from me.

  Though the day surrounded me with its warmth, still ‘twas the coldest day ever I had experienced, especially in the midst of summer as ‘twas.

  Perhaps I should not have, but I fled to the valleys of our memories and wandered over it fer days, wallowing through every special time we had shared together, me mind whooshing and cluttered in me grief.

  I remember how you appeared in the morning at daybreak. The sweetness of yer skin . . . So silent you stole from me . . .

  His voice echoing in me mind, I ran to his heart to be near in the only way I could.

  Will me love melt away? Me voice I hear it cry out . . . crying fer the death of me heart.

  How could this be, that I have brought this upon him? He, a blessing to me life; I, but a curse upon his.

  Everything appears the same, yet me whole world it has altered!

  I came upon a picturesque meadow, bourgeoning with summer wildflowers. ‘Twas just the kind of setting we would have cherished together and made the most of . . . I ambled to the innermost part of it and stood motionless fer some time staring out— thinking of us, of him. Then I lowered meself to be seated in the midst of it, the long grasses blowing in the fragrant summer breeze tickling me skin.

  At a time such as this when I would much rather feel numb, be oblivious to the world about me, instead painfully I be noticing every minute feature in all of their precisely clear details. And I find that each and every single thing carries me back to thoughts of him; fer the beauty I see before me I should be sharing with him, his arms about me, his lips brushing me cheek, his smile I would
feel upon me neck, giggling, exultant to be alive in this moment, in this wondrous place and together . . .

  I do not know how long I remained there in that agonizingly beautiful meadow, quite possibly ‘twas fer the greater part of that day— and then it may have just as easily been fer only a few minutes. With naught more to look onward to in me life, time had lost its importance fer me. Still, the evening sun glinted beautifully off the wildflowers.

  After staring at it fer quite some time, I believe, I plucked up a spectacular blue iris and held it in contemplation, caressing it, examining it: the soft blue of its distended outer petals, revealing the exposed white inner side with its intricately delicate lace-like veining.

  As I held it by its long firm stem, I realised the colour of it be near the same as that of Donovan’s sweater the splendid day that we were caught in the storm . . . The folds of the flower harkening me thoughts of me relentless desire fer him— desires which I had still, although he not be here to satisfy them. This insight tore at me— that stunning flower the dagger which pierced into me chest, slashing it wide open to bleed interminably, the wound never to heal, the pain to grow only more potent.

  Unexpectedly, a long and deafening guttural scream erupted from deep within me soul and I commenced to ripping apart that beautiful flower, tearing every delicate petal from its body, ripping them to shreds fer the pain they caused me, wishing to obliterate it. Rapidly, the fragments of that flower were too insignificant to hold between me fingers to destroy any longer.

  Adrenaline swiftly coursed its way through me veins, me heart racing, me breathing ragged as I detected that I be surrounded by innumerable clones of that same flower in that meadow. To me feet I leapt, screaming as I tore through that meadow, ripping the heads off every flower within me grasp as I fled passed them, flinging their remains into the air, the tears gushing down me face.

  I ran as the wind all the way to the water’s edge. And I cast me bitter tears to the sea, but the tide brought them all back to me, as no end to them there be. Compared to me grief, that sea it may as well have been a mere drop. Desperation setting in, I needed to hear the warmth of his voice. Me thoughts carried me back to the last time we were at that place.