Cailín (Lass) (Anam Céile Chronicles) Read online

  Well, perhaps I can at least greet me old friends in the barn!

  Full of joyful anticipation to be able to interact with anyone I had known, I ambled into the stone barn to greet the beloved friends of me childhood.

  I cannot wait to see Morrissey! Oh, surely he’ll be most overjoyed to see me again!

  However, when I came into the barn, I received a very different reception from the animals than I had anticipated. When first I did see them, all were already turned me direction, motionless in full alert as though a wolf had wandered in seeking his next kill.

  Their unexpected reaction caused me to pause. Me eyes wandered over each of them— some new faces there be amongst the familiar. I waited fer the ones who knew me to realise who I be and drop their guard. But their vigilance remained intact, even Morrissey’s.

  Perhaps they do not know who I be and I only need to try to speak to them as I used to.

  I directed me communicative thoughts to them— as I once had regularly— hoping to pardon them of their fears.

  Do not be alarmed. I will not harm you. I simply want to visit with you, old friends. I do know I appear different, but still you must remember me. It be me, Aislinn!

  But alter their stance they did not.

  Then a thought occurred to me.

  What if, paradoxically, in this new form, we cannot communicate?

  I attempted it again, thinking after all these years, perhaps I only be out of practise.

  This time, Morrissey did speak back to me. His tone ‘twas hesitant and suspicious.

  Aye. I understand it be you, Aislinn. I do not know what this spell be which has afflicted you, but we want no part of it. We feel the threat of the dark energy coming from you. If surely we be yer friends as you claim, then do not bring yer ill fortune here to be cast upon all of us. Be gone from here!

  Morrissey, friends, trust me, not any ill will do I have fer you, and will bring no misfortune upon you. I do not know why this mystical change has happened to me, but it helped me to escape a most perilous situation and did give me the strength to sustain meself on me long journey back home. Please, I wish only to rekindle our old friendship. I swear, I mean none of you any harm!

  Certain they would be appeased with me declaration, I stepped toward them again. As I moved nearer to them, I felt their caution fortify, the scent of fear among them grew thick as their fur twitched and Morrissey flattened his ears back. Again I be disheartened by their unaffected suspicious reaction to me, confirming that which already I knew— something indeed be not right about me.

  Not another word exchanged between us, they disseminated well away from me, as I laid in the straw in the midst of the barn quite dismayed, reminiscing the days not so long ago when the lambs would crawl all over me as one of them, nibbling at me hair affectionately . . . Now I appeared as them, and they wanted naught to do with me! Me heart swelled with grief and I longed to relieve the pressure of it with tears.

  Drawing what little comfort I could from the familiar surroundings, there I did remain until morning, sleeping upon the bed of straw. Afore sunrise, I reluctantly removed meself from the barn, fer I knew me father would soon be emerging from the cottage to tend to the animals.

  I did not look back as I wandered out into the day. I could not bear to be reminded of the heartbreaking way in which me old friends had recoiled from me.

  To the backside of the barn I ambled and hovered on the outside. I had intention of observing what I could of me family— and I hoped, Donovan— surely amidst their grief over me mysterious disappearance.

  Momentarily I detected some rustling about in the cottage, and before long me father emerged, heading toward the barn. I remained quietly hidden behind some shrubbery in the distance. I don’t know why ‘twas I felt a stab of disappointment when he did not appear in any way to be troubled. I solaced meself with the knowledge that surely me mama would show signs of upset over me disappearance.

  “What be the matter with you beasts?” he straightaway grumbled at them upon plodding into the barn. “You all look as if you’re expectin’ to be slaughtered directly!”

  Not long after, me Mama emerged from the cottage. Though I did not wish to feel happy fer it, relieved I be to note the obvious signs of weariness upon her face.

  I knew she would lament me disappearance!

  So badly I did wish to relieve her concerns. It took all me restraint not to jump out at her and announce, “Here I be!”, but I did not wish to scare her to death! And of course, I wouldn’t be able to tell her as I had the animals, that this aiteann that she does not recognise be her own daughter! Moreover, I knew I could not besides, at least not just yet; fer never would I endanger those I loved, even if it meant worrying them with me continued absence.

  Weeks passed by and I watched over them as me father, me mama, and me brother searched diligently fer me. All the while, I struggled to reason with me instincts.

  “I do not know why ‘tis we be wastin’ our time in continuing our search fer that ungrateful lass!” I heard me father griping one day. “Why do you not accept she has only been reclaimed by the faeries to be wed to their chief? Obviously, they had to capture her from her mortal wedding, before she could be ruined fer him!” he adamantly insisted pragmatically.

  Me mama shot him a contemptuous look. “You should scoot on home, then! Yer poisonous outlook will only serve to bring misfortune upon the rest of us!” Her head cocked with her hands placed firm upon her hips, she cast him a daring look.

  Father knew better than to actually heed her suggestion. Instead, he went on pretending to search, all the while grumbling to himself, naturally.

  At least Mama has not given up on me!

  I began to come to be downcast, wondering why Donovan never be with them fer the search.

  Perhaps he has already given up on me, or only be more than glad to be released of me!

  Then, one afternoon, me ears did perk up when I heard me Mama mention him.

  “MacAuliffe! You need to go find that lad and warn him to curtail his isolated searching out there in the Boireann afore Whitsuntide be upon us!” Mama ordered me father. “Donovan’s practically kin, and I won’t have us losin’ him, too!”

  Of course, he would be searching fer me there, knowing as only he does the significance of that place fer me!

  I gazed lingeringly at me mama fer a long moment before dashing toward the Boireann.

  ‘Tis alright, I told meself, I will reunite with her again soon once this all be under control!

  That area being so vast and rugged, I feared I would never be able to find Donovan. But me heightened senses led me virtually right to him. At last I located him, but I be immensely discouraged to discover that, indeed, I did have the same intense craving fer him that I had experienced in the presence of others— a craving that be well beyond me usual physical desires fer him. Distraught at this discovery, and not knowing what to do, I hovered nigh in contemplation.

  I observed him in secrecy, gazing upon him, drinking him in with me eyes and me nostrils, torturing meself with the savouring of his delectable scent upon the air.

  How could I ever have thought fer a second to leave him behind? Donovan be everything to me! I would not want a life that did not include him in it! Then again, will I ever actually be able to control these overpowering appalling urges to consume him?

  Braver I became, edging ever closer, ‘til eventually I be within full sight of him. Finally, he became aware of me presence. Thrilled I be that Donovan was quite mesmerized by the beautiful red aiteann which he discovered to be following him.

  Although Donovan did think it rather odd that his own mount reacted with great caution toward me. And when the light descended at the end of each day, he marveled again at how that aiteann shadowed him as he made the trek back home.

  Just to be near him— if even in that different form— gave me great solace, just fer his eyes to look upon me and smile and fer him to chat at me mindlessly in attempt to pass the
time and ward off his loneliness. His presence eased me heart. All felt right with me world once again.

  “So, tell me lass, what do you think? Where is it we should be searchin’?” Donovan queried me. “I don’t know why I have the outlandish feeling that you know where she be. Maybe ‘tis only the striking resemblance of your coat to her red hair that has me relating you to her.”

  I tried to remind meself not to gaze into his eyes too deeply, fer he wouldn’t understand, and I feared me sadness would be too easily detected in them.

  Donovan walked toward me and reached out in an attempt to touch me. I shied away, fer fear of me own reaction to the closeness of him. Instantly I wished I had not, fer I so longed to feel his hands upon me once more— even if only in that form.

  Several days passed and this time, when finally Donovan reached out to me again, prepared I be. I stood there, tall and proud, me muscular form trembling. He thought it to be in nervousness, though truly ‘twas in delicious anticipation. When his hands met me coat and commenced to stroking it, in me excitement I felt me energy surge throughout me body. Moments later, it extended out to his fingertips, fer suddenly he jerked his hand back as though zapped, and jumped back, peering at me strangely.

  “What you be?” Donovan probed in awe, yet also with a trace of alarm.

  Despite his reaction, it gave me the confidence necessary to believe I actually may be able to be near him without being a danger to him.

  Every night I curled meself upon the grasses near his cottage and slept, waiting fer the pure light of day to return, signaling that again, Donovan would pass the day searching fer any clues which would lead him to me. I wished I could provide him with something, to continue his hope, but other than meself, I did not know what it could be.

  If only I could be certain that I could show meself to him— as a woman— and not pose a threat to him in the process.

  Then one morning, me father showed at Donovan’s door, I presumed at the urging of me mama. “Lad, I be tellin’ you, if you know what’s best fer you, you’d cease yer fruitless searchin’ fer that lass! It not be safe with Whitsuntide forthcoming!” me father warned him obligingly.

  “With all due respect, Mister MacAuliffe, superstitious I not be, and no intention have I of ceasing me search ‘til I find Aislinn . . . your daughter,” Donovan declared resolutely, quite pleasing me.

  “Well, ‘tis yer life to waste as you wish, Donovan, but don’t you be callin’ that sidhe any daughter of mine!” me father chastised him taciturnly. Brusquely he turned and climbed back up into his cart and headed off.

  Donovan just stood there fer a moment seeming stunned and shaking his head. Then I heard the door close as he went back inside. I felt panic creeping in.

  Be he reconsidering me father’s warning? What’ll I do if Donovan gives up on me? Fer several days now I’ve been near him and I’ve not yet lost control and harmed him. No way there be I could possibly be a risk to him! Before he has a chance to decide that ‘tis time to cease his search, I will show meself to him. Presently!

  Not wishing to plague him with needless alarm, I decided that best it would be not to transform in view of him.

  Then something occurred to me that never had I thought of hitherto.

  But then, how do I get back to meself? What if I cannot? After all, ‘tis not as if I chose to become as this. Merely happened of its own accord it did! Perhaps stuck this way I be! Then never would there be a chance fer Donovan and I to have a life together, save fer me volunteering to be his next cart animal!

  Filled with momentary desperation, I sulked a while. But determined to show meself to him, I thought hard willing it to happen, knowing not of any other way. I focused upon me female form, imagining becoming as that once more.

  And then at last to me delight, I began to feel the same familiar sensations that I had experienced weeks past. Only this time, there not be nearly as much pain, since I be receiving it acquiescently rather than fighting it. Or perhaps ‘twas since I not be going from a slight form to that of a much larger form?

  Once I perceived the transformation to be complete— a mere few seconds later— I opened me eyes and held out me arms as I peeped down at meself, marveling at the feel of me own flesh again fer the first time in weeks!

  When I looked up from meself, Donovan be standing there outside his cottage.

  Oh! What if he saw me transform me shape? He would be re-thinking me father’s words then— that indeed I be of the sidhe.

  But, recalling that I could well see him from this great distance more than he could see me, I quickly determined that he had not. I inhaled deeply— all of me instantly affected by his delectable scent— and stepped out, into view.

  When Donovan’s eyes landed upon me, I halted me step. He gazed upon me stunned, his jaw falling open, his eyes blinking repeatedly as though trust them he could not.

  As I resumed walking toward him, appeared incredulous he did still. Thus, I spoke to him. “Donovan, ‘tis indeed me, Aislinn,” I enunciated, me voice slow and calm.

  The shock melted from his eyes as they connected with mine, and be replaced with a quizzical stare as they darted over me naked form.

  At last, he spoke, his voice heavy with concern. “Aislinn?”

  “Aye, me love! ‘Tis truly me!” I confirmed.

  “Aislinn!” Donovan cried in relief. “What has become of you? Why you be naked? Where is it you have been? Tell me you be alright!” Panic began to creep into his voice, his eyes widening in flustred confusion.

  After a moment, Donovan reached his arms out to me as he began to run forth, closing the distance between us in long strides— quite difficult it be to hold meself back from startling him again by flashing too quickly— until at last, right beside me he be.

  We wrapped our arms about each other, our embrace teeming with desperation. I seared with the feel of his touch upon me flesh once more as he enfolded me naked form into the security of his strong arms.

  Donovan caught me face in his hands, his deep blue eyes boring into mine before he crushed his mouth to mine in a possessive kiss. I reciprocated fervently, pouring all the love ever I felt fer him into that one kiss.

  When finally we withdrew our lips from each other, I looked at Donovan’s face to see his eyes still bewildered.

  “What it be, me love?” I probed with concern.

  “Something . . . be different about you,” Donovan elucidated, furrowing his brow. “Place it I cannot, but ‘tis all at once both enticing and alarming.”

  Fearing he may possibly guess what I be, I dropped me face and uttered not a word.

  Brushing his inner warning aside, Donovan continued investigating me.

  “Where have you been, Aislinn?” he implored, tightening his grip upon me arms. He gazed down at me, his face etched deep with concern. I could now feel the full effect of the pain me disappearance had caused him.

  “’Tis a rather long story,” I attempted to deter him. “Perhaps I may tell you of it hence once you invite me into yer cottage to make me decent?”

  “Aye, naturally, Aislinn! Forgive me manners!” Donovan conceded. But then quickly added, wincing as he spoke the words, “You were running away from our wedding . . . from me, were you not?”

  Bewildered, I stared at him, not able to comprehend the ludicrousness of his words.

  “That simply not be true, Donovan!” Me eyes were wide and intense in me sincerity. “I did not! Never would I run away from our wedding . . . from you! Not possible I could even fathom such a thing! Do you still know not the way I feel fer you?”

  Donovan only lowered his eyes, and the sadness in his expression wrenched at me heart. I could not believe he still would not know how I truly felt fer him after all this time. What could I do to convince him.

  “I awoke somewhere far from here without the slightest idea of how ‘twas I came to be there!” I pleaded. “Please do believe me, Donovan! It has always been you fer me! Only you it could have ever been . . .” I
choked as the tears began to pool in me eyes at the injured expression he held upon his face.

  Mildly reassured I be when Donovan pulled me into the warmth of his chest to console me, caressing me back. I nestled me face into him, burying the fingers of one hand into the curls of the hair which covered his handsome chest.

  His caressing of me back took on a clearly different meaning as his hand descended to me derriere, fondling it with urgency. I moaned and lifted me other hand up to entwine into the dark and lovely curls of his head, raising me eyes to gaze into his. Donovan gazed profoundly into mine, his intensifying scent permeating me head as his eyes began to smoulder with passionate possession, his lips alighting upon mine.

  “Come, let us go inside,” Donovan murmured into me mouth seductively, seizing me lower lip gently between his teeth as his hands treasured the curves of me naked body. There be no mistaking his intent. Every part of me being ascended with exultation as me insides responded in accordance.

  Oh how long I have waited fer this moment with him!

  But then all of a sudden an involuntarily shiver coursed through me. However, ‘twas not that I had caught a chill. A presence I sensed. I be reminded of that day on the islands, when I had encountered something similar. Whatever ‘twas, I could definitely feel a potent dark energy emanating from it.

  And in that moment, I felt as though ice had frozen around me soul.

  Something was to happen.

  Something horrific.

  I sensed it.

  Swiftly, it all felt so bizarrely familiar. Out of the blue, me dream from years before, the glorious night we spent together in the cove, rushed forth in me mind. A trickle of fear oozed up me spine as I flinched away from the horror of the images.

  No! That cannot be! I won’t let anything happen to him, not now when we have only just reunited . . .

  I tried desperately to extricate the horrible thought from me mind, yearning to return to the sensuous promise of the moment past.

  Tenzin drew in his breath sharply, his eyes broadening with comprehension.

  I had the sense that he grasped precisely what ‘twas.