The Falling of Katja: an Erotic Romance (Anam Céile Chronicles) Read online

  His eyes browsed over me, hungrily I believe, for just a moment. He smiled heartily. “Yes, Katja. You are becoming quite the woman. You shall make some man very lucky, indeed!”

  His words cut through me, piercing into my heart. Some man? Why not him? Is he merely playing it safe, or is he trying to tell me he holds no serious interest in me.

  All happiness evacuated my face as I began to put on my garments. He followed suit, the sudden silence between us deafening.

  Unfortunately, after dressing, he made an excuse to dash on home, only leaving me confused and wanting him more than I ever had before.

  After that day, all I could think of was feeling his lips upon mine again. I clung onto that solitary kiss for years.

  Chapter Three

  Štefan had always been on my mind before, but after that day in the lake, my musings of him seemed to have taken up permanent residence there. It seemed he occupied my every waking thought, as well as most of my slumbering ones. Quite frequently my mother or father would find it necessary to admonish me for not paying attention to my domestic duties, for so adrift my mind was on him.

  There became no denying that I was in love with him and I came to realise that I had always loved him, only I was simply not aware of what love truly was. Relentlessly, I dreamt of the day we would wed and grow old and happy together. I wanted nothing else in my life than to be his wife and bear his beautiful children. I simply could not imagine it any other way.

  And so, there I was, quite impatiently awaiting the day he would ask for my hand.

  Meanwhile, it appeared my mind was intent upon ruminating over every word which had left his lips in my presence, analyzing every look he had cast my way, obsessing over his handsome features, his mouthwatering physique…

  Chapter Four

  Then one day, everything changed.

  It was the most beautiful summer morning when I happened upon Štefan at the market.

  “Katja!” he called out upon seeing me. I turned my head to see him jogging up to me, wearing that heartbreaking smile upon his face.

  “Štefan,” I greeted him sweetly, a smile sweeping across my face which was entirely beyond my control as most of my bodily reactions were anytime I was in his presence.

  “I have something important to discuss with you. Can you meet me in the meadow after lunch?”

  My heart beamed.

  Today is the day! He shall ask me for my hand!

  Practically falling into the depths of his eyes, I nodded my head. “Yes, Štefan,” I whispered, the words encompassing so much meaning for me.

  He smiled and brushed his hand across my cheek before turning to go, sending my heart aflutter as he so easily did.

  Elated, I rushed home and told my sister, Svetlana of the news. I found my loveliest gown— one I was certain he had not seen me in before— and she fussed over me, transforming my flaxen locks into a virtual masterpiece.

  With butterflies swirling joyously in my belly, I skipped to the meadow where we routinely met one another.

  In the distance, I could see Štefan was already waiting there. My heart practically leapt from my chest as though in attempt to reach him before I did.

  Yet when I drew close enough to clearly make out his face, something unexplainable unsettled me. Perhaps it was the diffident expression he wore. My excitement quickly changed to bewilderment as I neared him. He met me at the gate, holding his hands out to me, a remorseful look in his eyes which I had never seen before.

  His hands were trembling when he took mine within his. In that moment, I tried desperately to convince myself that he was only nervous about the proposal. Yet as I continued to study his face, I knew that would be a lie.

  The butterflies all collided and twisted into a snarled mass within my belly.

  This was not to be the joyous moment I had anticipated.

  Finally, Štefan cleared his throat to speak. His voice was shaky, alerting me even further as to the direness of the situation before me. “Katja, you look absolutely divine! Thank you for coming to see me.”

  Unable to speak, I nodded my head. Any other time, even the slightest compliment coming from him would have propelled me to heaven. But this time it felt only as a buffer to something unpleasant. Something which I could not fathom.

  He turned his eyes down and dragged in a coarse breath. “What I must tell you is not pleasant,” he said, as if he actually thought I needed preparation, that I had not perceived something was looming.

  I held my stoic expression, just wanting whatever he had to reveal to be out in the open already so I could be released from this awful frozen anticipation.

  Štefan swallowed and continued to speak once more. “Just last night I was informed that my father has arranged for my marriage.”

  Marriage?

  He cannot mean with me. Otherwise, it would not have come out like this.

  After what seemed like forever, I managed to utter the word.

  “Whom?”

  That solitary word seemed to expend so much effort from my lungs to force out.

  From the look in his eyes, it was clear he felt the impact this was having upon me.

  At last, he answered my question, his tone quiet. “Naďia, the eldest daughter of the family Császár.”

  A name being attached to this tragedy caused it to hit me even harder in the chest.

  Császár. Of course. A girl of far more suitable lineage than I can offer.

  For the first time ever in my life, I wished I was not the daughter of simple folk. How could that one mere fact rob me of all the happiness I had dreamt of?

  I was completely blind sighted by this information. This was not the joyous occasion I had so fondly anticipated.

  Then as if to twist the knife already embedded within my chest, he continued to devastate me. Choking on his words, Štefan stroked my hand and told me, “Katja, I am sorry to have to tell you that I will not be able to continue associating with you.”

  I just gaped at him. Reading the confusion upon my face, he repeated his words, driving me over the edge. “Katja, this is the last time we will ever see each other.” His eyes continued to search my face for some sign of understanding, acceptance perhaps.

  Such a thing was impossible! He had just shattered my world and he wanted me to take it gracefully?

  I shook my head furiously in disbelief until, at last, the tears began to flow forth. My chest clinched tight about my rupturing heart, allowing not a word from me. I opened my mouth to speak, yet nothing came out save for a broken sob.

  I pulled my hands from his and tried to run away, though in my distress— not to mention my elabourately layered gown— I stumbled and fell down. Štefan ran after me and sank to the ground where I lay weeping. Wrapping his arms about me, he held me as I wept for him… for the ‘us’ that would never be.

  I do not know if being buried in his arms made it better or worse.

  Finally, he lifted my chin to look upon me and wipe the tears from my face. “You are so beautiful, Katja,” he told me. “You deserve to find someone to make you happy.”

  He certainly was not making this any easier on me. I had found the one who made me happy! Why could he not understand that? My mind was racing. I wanted to beg him to run away with me, so we could be together as we were meant to.

  But, should he not have been the one to offer such things?

  Clearly, I did not mean as much to him as he had to me all those years.

  I pushed back my thoughts to seize the opportunity to take in his face this what would be my last time. His eyes were deeper than ever I had seen them, and in that moment I just wanted to fall into them and stay there forever.

  Gazing back deeply into mine, Štefan’s leaned into me and I felt the warmth of his breath against my face just a second before his lips met mine. Here was the moment I had fantasized about incessantly since our first and last teasing kiss, and instead of exhilarating it was heartbreaking.

  At first, his kiss wa
s tender, apologetic, as he endeavoured to inspire me to return it as though that would equate forgiveness. When my lips finally began to move against his, his mouth became more possessive, though he had already made it clear he had no intention of actually possessing me. Still, I allowed myself to pretend. Pretend that day had gone differently, as I had originally hoped, and that kiss held a different meaning entirely, one of celebration and happiness rather than one filled with farewells and sorrow.

  “Katja,” he murmured into my mouth.

  For the first time ever, Štefan allowed his hands to roam over my body, touching me in ways that I had always dreamt of as his hands sneaked beneath my garments. Laying me back in the grass, his mouth kissed its way down my neck until I felt his breath blowing over my cleavage. He only loosened my bodice enough to release my breasts from their confines. Without hesitation, his mouth covered them, drawing in the sensitive flesh at the centre. The intense sensation of it went straight to the area between my legs, alighting it on fire.

  As he suckled me, his hand began to rustle through the fabric of my skirt, until he had flipped it up to expose my legs. He surprised me by making quick work of pulling down my pantalets, so that my sex was bared to him. While moving his mouth to my other breast and leaving my abandoned nipple to stiffen in the breeze, I drew my breath in sharply as I felt his fingers brush over the highly sensitive flesh between my legs.

  Working me over as that, Štefan soon had me panting, moving his fingers in circular rhythm over my sex while his mouth attended to my breasts. The heat was coursing through my body as my desire soared to ever greater heights. My panting fast becoming breathless, I whimpered as he detached his mouth from my nipple.

  Štefan slithered down my body, impelling my legs to part and settled between my knees before lowering himself between my thighs. A bit baffled, I wondered what it was he intended on doing. He did not make me wonder long, for a second later he leaned in closer, bringing his face to my sex and with merely the feel of his hot breath upon it, he had me moaning with pleasure.

  I felt his lips softly grazing over my most tender flesh, slowly exploring my, until now, untouched area. I lifted my head to glance down at him and could hardly believe what I was witnessing. This gorgeous man that I had loved, waited for, all those years, was nestled down between my thighs with his tongue buried in my sex!

  The sight of that alone sent sensational shivers up through my body.

  His blazing eyes met mine and suddenly I was overcome with a feeling of shyness at the position I was in. Though I certainly could not fathom stopping him! Still gazing into my eyes, he slowly swept his tongue over me. I groaned and let my head fall back in the grass, relishing this gift he was offering me.

  I cannot believe I am allowing a man to do this to me! Have I no shame? But then, he is not just any man. He is my Štefan. The man I have loved all my life. The only man I have ever loved… the only man I will ever love.

  The way his tongue lavished my flesh felt so splendid I was helpless to do anything but lay back and moan in pleasure. I felt it sweep over every part of my sex, slowly licking and sucking at my flesh, circling over the swelling pearl at the top, the heat of lust mounting so within my core until I felt it would burst forth. I realised I was writhing about upon the ground as a mad woman beneath him, yet even had I wanted to, I would have been utterly powerless to stop it. I was in awe of what he was doing to me, how he was making me feel.

  How on earth does he know how to do such a thing?

  “Oh, Štefan,” I murmured, my voice grainy with the lust which was rapidly threatening to consume me.

  And then, seemingly all at once I was overcome by it. The ache of my core was exploding into a million fragments sending slivers of ecstasy to every corner of my body. My writhing became thrashing as I screamed out against my own volition, my voice ragged.

  “Oh, Štefan! Yes, yes, Oh God, YES!”

  I nearly panicked when I felt his mouth vacate my sex. But then, I sensed him move to hover over me and I heard the rattling of something and realised he was loosening the fastenings of his pants.

  And I was not so naïve that I did not know what that meant.

  Oh God! Is this really happening? Can I let this happen? Oh, I do not know. Yet is this not what I have always wanted? Is he not what I have always wanted. This may well be my very last chance to have him…

  And then, he lowered himself to me and I rejoiced in the masculine feel of his weight upon me for the first time. His gorgeous eyes locked onto mine for just a second just before his lips followed suit, claiming my mouth once more. As he kissed me, I felt the heat of his erection brushing my inner thigh as it moved upwards in a seeking motion. I waited for him to take me, and yet he did not.

  What is he waiting for?

  Finally, unable to stand it any longer, I whisper breathlessly into his ear, “Take me, Štefan. Have me. Make me yours!”

  Emitting a responding grunt, his hand moved down between my legs to align his rod with my entrance, so that I felt the soft burgeoning crown of it pressing against me. “Yes,” I murmur to him reassuringly when still I sense his hesitation.

  I sucked in my breath as he pressed himself into me, the hot rigidity of his cock sliding between my aching wet flesh as he entered me. He fet so incredible, I believed I had expired and gone to heaven!

  But then, it changed.

  There was discomfort.

  Štefan stalled.

  Anxiously, I wondered what was happening.

  Then he pushed forth again and the discomfort worsened exponentially until I was crying out in pain. After several excruciating seconds, finally he broke past it and I sobbed in relief.

  Supporting himself on his arms so that he hovered just over me, he gazed down at me with loving eyes while carefully he began moving back and forth in me. I gripped tight to his back as it was rather tender at first, but after several strokes, I felt my body acclimating to him and I relaxed.

  As it began to feel more pleasurable, I relished the knowledge that his manhood was engorged with desire for me… and was inside of my body— a part of him was in me. I felt all at once vulnerable and powerful, innocent and desirable. It was a deliciously contradictory feeling. We were one, making love in this beautiful rhythm while the tall summer grasses blew all about us as though echoing our dance.

  It was the most agonizingly beautiful bittersweet moment I had ever known. I tried to enjoy it, not think about the reason that had driven us to that moment.

  Our lovemaking was as tender as I had always imagined it would be. As he pushed himself ever deeper into me, I began to move in motion with him, opening my legs wider in order to receive all of him, reveling in the feel of him caressing the inside of me with himself, filling me up so wonderfully.

  “Oh Štefan,” I crooned into his ear, all the love I had for him spilling over into my voice.

  “Katja,” he murmured back as his mouth kissed along my neck.

  I wrapped my legs about his waist and his motion strengthened, becoming more determined. As he sank ever deeper into me, I could not help but cry out in a mix of pleasure and pain. But my elongated moaning only served to encourage him, for he persisted in pumping into me relentlessly.

  As he continued, Štefan’s breaths began coming shorter, tense grunts emitting from his throat. And then, suddenly he thrust so deep into me with a low vocal groan and stilled completely. He collapsed atop me, nearly smothering me with his weight. Not entirely certain what had happened, I planted little kisses upon the side of his face.

  “Are you alright, Štefan?” I enquired with concern. “Is something the matter?”

  He chuckled breathlessly into my neck before raising his head to look upon me. “Oh, my sweet Katja. I love your endearing innocence. All is fine. Beyond fine, actually. I only had my climax, just as you did earlier.”

  I blushed. “Oh,” I muttered, feeling embarrassed by my severe naivety. “Was it nice?”

  “Nice?” he repeated with dis
belief. “I certainly wouldn’t label it as ‘nice’! Amazing would be a more accurate description. Making love to you is amazing, Katja!”

  “And so it was for me, Štefan,” I reciprocated with a smile.

  “I will always love you, Katja,” Štefan whispered, kissing me softly upon the forehead.

  He says those words to me now— when we are being ripped from each other, though I have waited to hear those words leave his lips for all these years? I think I would have rather him have continued to keep them silent if it had to be like this.

  Then he rose and left me there. I knew that I would never spend time with him again. I fell back into the grasses, letting the intense grief wash over me. There as that I remained for the rest of the day, until at last I heard my mother calling for me in the distance.

  My hopeless lover. You hold my heart and soul in your hands.

  Chapter Five

  My head in a lingering fog of bliss, and yet my heart wrenched in anguish, I stumbled home, and wept the afternoon away. The rain began falling as though the skies understood my heartbreak and were weeping along with me. It became my validating milieu as I laid there for an indeterminate amount of time, sobbing my life and dreams away.

  And so, this has become my daily life, and each day I only fall deeper into the melancholy of my heart and further away from myself. Each day apart from Štefan I find it harder to breathe. I miss him so desperately, my very soul aches.

  As any imaginings of my life had always surrounded him, I cannot fathom what my life will be now that he is not to be a part of it. At first, it seemed surreal, and I half expected him to come back for me and tell me he had changed his mind and made a terrible mistake and we shall run away together this very day. Yet each day which goes by and still I have not seen him, I fall deeper into despair.

  And then, even in the midst of my despair, I find my mind drifting over the solitary encounter we shared, reminiscing on how amazing he felt entering me, being inside of me as our bodies united as one. The mere thought of it instigates my core to tighten, but also so does my heart clinch tighter in sadness at the realisation of what will never be again.